“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” – The Princess Bride
Every time I watch that movie, that line makes me laugh my ass off. I think it is because it’s delivered with honest sincerity. I just wish that I could have the same honest sincerity when I want to quote it in real life. Over about the last 3 years, I have spent some time discussing, debating, and/or arguing religious topics with friends and strangers, alike. In many of these little discussions, the person I’m speaking to will use a word, or phrase, in such a way that it is almost painful.
“Since evolution is only a theory, the bible must be right” – This is wrong on so many levels. First, even if evolution was ever proved to be wrong, that doesn’t mean the bible is, by default, correct. This would be a false dichotomy. The second problem is with the definition of the word ‘theory’. In scientific studies, it does not mean a guess, like it would mean to a layman. It’s funny how none of the other scientific theories (special relativity, gravity, music, quantum mechanics, etc) are disputed as invalid. Only evolution is given that prestigious position, but then again, music theory has never really threatened their fragile belief system, has it?
“God sacrificed his only son for you” – I love it when they leave out ‘begotten’ until you remind them that the OT says that the angels were also the ‘sons of god’. They also get pissed off when you question them on what exactly was the sacrifice? If jesus was god (as Christians claim), he knew he was coming back after a long weekend. So, again I ask, where was the sacrifice in his actions?
“Noah took 2 of each animal on the ark with him, one male and one female” – Ut oh… Someone hasn’t really read the bible now, have they? This is another gripe of mine. It seems that many believers are only regurgitating scripture that has been spoon-fed to them, but that’s another topic for another time!
“The devil tempted Eve” – What??? Those that don’t learn from history, are doomed to repeat it. (If you wonder where the geniuses at the TX board of Education got the idea to change history, just remember that the Christians have been doing it for centuries). When you read the Hebrew bible, the only thing special about the serpent was it talked! When you read the Hebrew commentary, it is just a talking snake! It takes a special type of arrogance to change someone else’s history, and an even bigger ignorance to think that no one will call bullshit on you in the process.
“Jesus never tells people to kill or condones killing” – This is one of my favorites. If this isn’t special pleading, I don’t know what the hell is. Once you remind them of their own teachings, the silence is truly deafening. The father and the son are one. So, according to their beliefs, Jesus (as the father) DID condone and, in many cases, command his people to kill other people.
“He/she wasn’t a REAL Christian” – Yet another wonderful gem of hypocrisy. Who is the judge of this? I bet if you asked Jim Jones or David Koresh (or any of their followers) if they were real Christians, I doubt any one of them would deny it. What is a REAL Christian? It seems that any time someone that represents Christianity in a bad light are ostracized like a red-headed step child.
“Jesus came to save us all” – Again, I would suggest actually reading the bible. Jesus was not here for anyone except for the Hebrews. The bible only mentions him helping 2 non-jewish people, the roman soldier and the gentile woman that taught the teacher (telling jesus that even the dog gets the scraps from the master’s table). It wasn’t until he was taking the “cloud-evator to heaven”, after realizing that the Hebrews weren’t ready, that he tells his merry men to go out into the world. Nobody likes to be an after-thought, which is why this doesn’t get discussed much.
Art Linkletter used to have a show called “Children say the darnedest things”. I think we know where he got the inspiration for that show now, don’t we???
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